Doing Much Better

The last couple of days were pretty rough for me, writing-wise. I got all turned around on the question of the "occasion" for telling the novel. I really got bound up in self-doubt. I was actually a bit weepy over it. For the first time, I really considered scrapping the novel.

The big problem was that any "occasion" I thought of had to do with marriage or motherhood. I couldn't believe that I suffered from some a failure of imagination that I couldn't punctuate my character's life with anything but this gender-bound crap. Then I realized that ALL the books on women are so punctuated. Even the lesbian novels revolve around romantic love. I was so upset with myself. I know this sounds dramatic, but I thought I was going to have to rethink the whole idea of feminine narrative. I was so upset that my stomach hurt.

While I was lying in bed, my blackberry rang. I almost didn't answer it because the number was unfamiliar. It turned out to be a bearer of very good news. Good writing news. I can't go into any detail at all because this is the sort of thing that has to be properly announced. But let me tell you that it really really cheered me up. I know that it's dangerous to get so stoked from outside affirmation, but I felt like this was a hug and kiss from the universe.

I got myself up out of bed and sat down at this here writing table and worked on the manuscript with a whole new confidence. I know that we all try to be above it all, but Lord, it was just what I needed.